Raising Muslim Children

I've been listening to these lectures by Umm Sahl, Shaykh Nuh's wife on raising righteous Muslims and I like what she has to say. She is insisting that in the West we're having fewer children and over-indulging them which actually is detrimental for them as indulged children have no ability to sacrifice and no endurance as they get older. Rather, the values we want to inculcate in them are being unselfish, prefering others to ourselves and being able to sacrifice for Allah and His Messenger (saw). She asks, 'should a 3 year old be asked what he/she wants to eat?' and answers no, because by doing this you're reinforcing the 'what you want, you get' mentality. Rather, one should just give them food and let them feel contented with and grateful for it. However, if there's soup and salad and they say they want salad, give them salad, no harm in that. The kid who gets every thing is not learning self-control, patience and exerting effort for himself (or for others) and will generally be discontented in life later on as the nature of life is not one of getting whatever you want. Hence, discipline (which she defines as the ability to do that which one doesn't like) and defining limits is extremely crucial. She makes a clear distinction between discipline and anger and how the two are not the same, and also that discipline must be coupled with constant and unconditional love. This is as far I've gotten so far, lesson 3.

This makes me a lot more conscious of the smallest things I do with my eighteen-month old as even though you'd think she's young right now, I know I am already establishing habits and values in her by how I interact with her, what I offer her etc. I really need to think about this more.

Letting go

So even though I decided to start writing last September, there have been no updates for one simple reason--I have a major problem letting go. Of simply opening up, letting loose and not holding back. Something that I really need to do in order to unleash a lot of things in my life. (Reminds me, I need to get back to reading this book that's been sitting on my stack of 'currently reading' books, albeit getting buried on the bottom. The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron is another one on the same topic I want to read.) There are a bunch of things I want to do and I need to let go of this fear I have of messing up and of demanding perfection of myself, as well as critique from others and just do it! I've always been a very private, closed and introverted person which doesn't help either. This actually makes the internet an even harder place to begin as it puts my thoughts along with their imperfections and mess-ups on open display, but perhaps that's exactly what I need, to fear none but God and open up to all the potential. Bismillah...